Tearable Puns

No matter how much you push the envelope...

No matter how much you push the envelope, it will still be stationery.

I used to work in a blanket factory

I used to work in a blanket factory, but it folded.

I wanted an optometrist from the Alaskan islands

I wanted an optometrist from the Alaskan islands, but I got an optical Aleutian.

He had a photographic memory

He had a photographic memory, but was never developed.

Dancing cheek-to-cheek is...

Dancing cheek-to-cheek is really a form of floor play.

Bakers trade bread recipes

Bakers trade bread recipes on a knead-to-know basis.

Successful dieters might win...

Successful dieters might win the Nobelly prize.

A successful diet is...

A successful diet is the triumph of mind over platter.

A dog gave birth to puppies near the road...

A dog gave birth to puppies near the road and was cited for littering.

A hangover is...

A hangover is the wrath of grapes.

Dijon vu

Dijon vu: I've had this mustard before.

For breakfast, a boiled egg is...

For breakfast, a boiled egg is hard to beat.

Does the name Pavlov...

Does the name Pavlov ring a bell?

I went to a seafood disco last week

I went to a seafood disco last week and pulled a mussel.

I'm reading a book on anti-gravity

I'm reading a book on anti-gravity. It's impossible to put down!

My uncle laughed about my aunt's curio cabinet

My uncle laughed about my aunt's curio cabinet. And he knows I hate knick knack jokes.

In democracy it's your vote that counts

In democracy it's your vote that counts. In feudalism it's your count that votes.

He often broke into song

He often broke into song because he couldn't find the key.

Tearable Puns Poster #2!

Here it is folks! The second installment of Tearable Puns posters! Post them at home, school, or office when you need quick access to a dose of good humor.

Need a PDF?  Download Tearable Puns Poster #2!

Energizer Bunny arrested!

Energizer Bunny arrested: charged with battery.

A plateau

A plateau is a high form of flattery.

Every calendar

Every calendar's days are numbered.

Jewish New Year

Jewish New Year: Shofar, so good. 

He drove his expensive car into a tree

He drove his expensive car into a tree and found out how his Mercedes bends.

The invisible man

The invisible man married the invisible woman. Their kids were nothing to look at either.

Atheism Is...

Atheism is a non-prophet organization.

A rubber band pistol was confiscated

A rubber band pistol was confiscated from algebra class because it was a weapon of math disruption.

A gossip is...

A gossip is someone with a great sense of rumor.

A Freudian slip is...

A Freudian slip is when you say one thing but mean your mother.

A backward poet

A backward poet writes inverse.

Shotgun wedding

Shotgun wedding: A case of wife or death.

Corduroy pillows

Corduroy pillows are making headlines.

Acupuncture is...

Acupuncture is a jab well done.

When two egotists meet

When two egotists meet, it's an I for an I.

Santa's helpers

Santa's helpers are subordinate Clauses.

I wondered why the baseball kept getting bigger

I wondered why the baseball kept getting bigger. Then it hit me.

If You've Seen One Shopping Center

If you've seen one shopping center, you've seen a mall.

Tearable Puns Poster #1

For your punning pleasure, you can now enjoy Tearable Puns at home or office! Print it off and hang it up today!

Download a PDF of Tearable Puns Poster #1

A Skunk Fell Into A River

A skunk fell in the river and stank to the bottom. 

If You Dream in Color

If you dream in color, it's a pigment of your imagination. 

Time Flies Like an Arrow

Time flies like an arrow. 
Fruit flies like a banana.
-Groucho Marx 

A Chicken Crossing the Road

A chicken crossing the road is poultry in motion. 

Pessimists' Blood type

A pessimist's blood type is always B-negative. 

A Good Pun is its Own Reword

One of the all-time classics!

Tearing it up, one pun at a time

These pages of Tearable Puns have been floating about the Internet in recent days.  For the first week of school, my daughter printed one off and hung it on her locker. 

Shockingly, in a short time all the terrible tearable puns were torn off. Later in the day, one of her friends showed me she still had the pun in her pocket.  

Who doesn't need a dose of dry humor?

Ripping Funny!

Welcome to Tearable Puns, where the humor is paper dry and ripping funny. We hope to post a regular supply of bad jokes and wry wordplay just to brighten your day and tease the English language. If we're lucky, we'll have enough to create posters with tear off joke for you to share. If you're lucky, you can slip one to your English teacher when you need a few credits in your favor.

Please send us your punny one-liners and photos, and we'll post them as we can! 

-The Tearable Punsters